Ever have one of those ‘ah ha’ moments? One of those moments when the answer you have been contemplating for some time finally descends upon you. I had one of those moments this morning. I read an article by Nick Squires titled “Italian Women ‘The Unhappiest in Europe'”. The article is posted in The Telegraph, a United Kingdom based online news publication. Read Squires short article below, and then I’ll explain where I’m going with all this.
“They may have a reputation for living ‘la dolce vita’ but life is no picnic for Italian women, who are the unhappiest in Europe, according to a new survey.
The survey of 4,000 women in the continent’s five largest countries found that 76 per cent of Italian housewives were dissatisfied with their lives, compared to 51 per cent in the UK, 53 per cent in Germany, 57 per cent in France and 63 per cent in Spain.
Italian women said they were worried about the economic crisis, the difficulty of re-entering the work market after having children and the dearth of child care centres.
The survey, by a think tank called Women and Quality of Life, found that half of Italian women said they regretted getting married and two-thirds regretted having children.
A lingering culture of machismo means that Italian women have to do far more housework and child rearing than their counterparts in countries such as Britain.
Research has found that 70 per cent of Italian men have never used an oven, while 95 per cent have never emptied a washing machine.”
Sounds a little shocking doesn’t it? After I read this, it hit me maybe this is the reason why Italian women (in general) seem to be so angry. Stop! Let me explain further before you allow your feathers to be ruffled so quickly.
This theory, of course, does not apply to every Italian woman. I said Italian women in general. From my personal experience and from reports of other expats, it seems to be common knowledge that Italian women (again, in general) are not the friendliest, most welcoming individuals in Italy. I have met Italian women who are the sweetest people of anyone you would want to meet, but the majority of the women I have met or come across in daily activities have not been so nice. In fact, some have been down right rude. I thought this phenomenon was contained primarily to Rome since I have not experienced this behavior while in other Italian cities I’ve traveled to, but reports and stories from other expats dismiss my theory on that. There has to be a reason for this, right? At least I think this behavior begs to be questioned.
I thought at first the reason for the shunning and rudeness was because I am a foreigner in this country. I am American, I am blonde, my Italian is very much less than perfect, and my husband and I almost always speak to each other in English when we are out and about. I am a dead giveaway for a foreigner. I gave a possible thought to the excuse that has been used since almost the beginning of time in every country…foreigners are taking over our land, our jobs, our money, our men. Maybe this caveman thinking applies to some, but most likely not to the majority of people I’ve come into contact with. I hope not anyway.
Another thought I had relates a little to my above thought when referring to the men of Italy. In general (there it is again, my ‘in general’ clarification), Italian men seem to be much nicer than the women. For example, I went to our local supermarket. A man and a woman were standing next to each other, stocking a product on an end-of-aisle display. I excused and asked them both about which aisle I could find a certain product. The woman rolls her eyes at me and turns around to continue her job. The man smiles, asks me further about the product I am looking for, walks over and asks his co-worker about the product, then escorts me to the aisle and hands the product to me. See the difference? Night and day. I’m sure there are many factors which contributed to her response to me. Maybe she was under a deadline at work to get the display completed, maybe she had a personal or family issue she was dealing with inside, maybe, maybe, maybe…the list goes on. All I know is this is the norm I observe. Italian men are (in general) more friendly, polite and helpful than Italian women. Even my husband has noticed this trend and has commented about it on several occasions, so apparently it’s not me ‘just being a woman’.
But, I thought maybe since I am an American woman, I intimidate or anger Italian women. Let’s face it, Americans do not have the best reputation for their behavior when they travel in Europe. The stereotype is that Americans (mainly women) like to let go and have fun when they travel to and visit Italy and other European countries. This again is, of course, a general statement and does not apply to every American tourist. The unfortunate stereotype though is that American women like to come to Italy to have sexual experiences with sweet talking Italian men. Because of this, many Italian men seem to be enamored with American women. Could this be what has the women of Italy all riled up? Although women I come into contact with in shops, cafes or on public transportation do not know this ‘grudge’ should not be applied to me, as I am a happily married woman, my husband is not Italian, I have zero interest in any Italian men and I live here, I’m not here for ‘fun’. I am dismissed from this category (I dismiss myself), but I am fairly certain the American stereotype enters into the minds of many Italian women when they meet or come across American women. As a side note, if you are planning to travel to Italy, please do not become a cliché and contribute further to this ridiculous stereotype Americans hold in many European countries.
Back to my ‘ah ha’ moment. After I read Squires’ article, it got me to thinking. Is the reason for Italian women’s overall behavior because they are unhappy with their lives more than women in other countries and are feeling oppressed? Are they lashing out at the world because they are mad as hell? Are women just wanting an out? An out from marriage with a man who is no longer romantic. An out from raising the babies they thought they wanted. An out from being stuck inside a house cooking and cleaning all day. An out from a domestic partnership to be able to have a career since the partnership has turned out to be anything but with only one person doing the household work. An out from a day to day, mundane life they never dreamed of. An out to travel and experience the world. My end thought after reading the article: Is the constant search for an appropriate out causing women to lash out at the world?
Fof4 says
Good article about Italian women and a terrific essay about it! I, too, am an American woman, and I, too, have encountered exactly what you have written. I chalked it up to my lack of Italian. Thanks for shedding more light and thought on the topic 🙂
Why Rome? says
Thanks so much for the feedback! I know it’s somewhat of a touchy subject, but I thought it deserved a discussion. Again, many thanks for the comment!
Free Spirit Eater says
This is such a cool site! I’m so glad I found you through foodbuzz and what an interesting post, I sure hope the bride and groom in the photo remain happy. I am now following your site =]
Why Rome? says
Thanks so much, Ky! I lived in New York for a short time, and loved it there. I miss it actually. Culinary grad in NYC is impressive! 🙂 I’m a foodie too, and looking forward to receiving your posts as well.
Christy says
I agree with you on every.single.point. I am saving a similar blog entry for a later date, but you would be shocked at some of the negative encounters I have had with Italian women. I live in Florence, so there is that same stereotype that all American women act like irresponsible college kids. I am 35, blond haired with a gorgeous Italian boyfriend : Florentine women do not like that. Thankfully he is not Florentine, because that would be worse of me to steal away their local selection. Unfortunately this is the way it is and it makes me very sad.
I have lived in Florence for 2 years and do not have one Italian female friend, they are all english speakers or european women. From so many negative experiences with the Italian women, I have given up and do not make the effort now, which is bad in itself. But when you live abroad you want to be around pleasant people.
Thank you for sharing!
Why Rome? says
Thanks for sharing, Christy! I knew you would be able to relate, which is unfortunate. Here’s hoping for a change!
kristie says
I think you are onto something. I don’t think women are necessarily looking for an OUT, I think they just need an outlet. Boy have I been there. Of course, being the primary care taker of the home can and is a great honor and is something to be valued, but unfortunately not all homes and husbands look at their wives with the respect that they deserve for playing such a vital role in the home and in society. Will this type of dynamic change? Probably not. The only thing that can change is the dynamics of the individual homes, and that can only happen through the grace of God and by both parties submitting to His instructions. Like the 12-step program saying goes, “It works if you work it..it’s worth it”. God makes everything valuable and can make the difference in any attitude. He did in mine!
Anonymous says
Thanks for your article. It puzzles me constantly how negative Roman women are . Of course that is a generalisation but true often enough, sadly. I am British, dark haired and part Spanish, so I do not look like a typical foreigner, but am struck daily by unfriendliness, rudeness, competitive woman-anti-woman behaviour even before I open my mouth and speak my very bad Italian! I have a five year old son in tow usually, so they must be pretty sure I’m not on the make for their boyfriend. It’s enough to make me want to leave the country, as I doubt I can make women friends after living here a year living. I have lived in the UK, Spain and Italy and find Spanish women superbly friendly. Italian women are awful sour-pusses
Why Rome? says
Thank you so much for your comment! I still continue to have constant issues with the Italian women in Rome. It is a concept I simply can not understand. I have yet to make any real friends with the women here, and quite honestly, I am no longer interested in trying. Thanks again for taking the time to leave a comment!